Man without Will

Just a thought . it keeps coming to my mind.
One work I never did with a full appetite. Never could I excel. .maybe better sometimes but not excel .
Excel kinda a child here in this park rolling  his tyre, a boy jogging vigorously, a girl caressing her hair ever since she came for a stroll. U see perfection somewhere for something. Keeping people occupied.
Ever since childhood I have never been so, mind sways Into something for a moment and then it fades into something else.. No pattern. No hobby. No calculating thoughts of ambition.  And this continues...
From small preoccupations to finally this city, Delhi can be the best hope for getting an ambition. People running with jobs, papers flowing with offers and nights sleeping into beautiful arms..
I came with an ambition as always. This tym determined. Might of a girl, faith of a father, dreams of a man but...    Did I lack will.
Here ahead a mother just came walking with her son into big boys playing cricket, she just asked the 18 yr olds to let play her son of 12 yr old. My days and these days are different. Thts not my point. See the will of this maa, her son should get to play.
Why I never had this will!   People talk of jobs, I m confused what shud be my job.
Thers no point in thinking what I have achieved, my efforts were not vigorous. Maa always says do wht u want but perfectly. I have never thought anything perfectly.
Except a few dreams.
And I ask myself: who m I?
A engg who has half baked knowledge.
A writer who deletes whatever he writes.
A lover who couldn't walk those extra miles even if asked.
A idiot who couldn't make friends laugh.
A son who couldn't fulfill fathers dreams.
A human being who couldn't stand strong that day...

Are everyone half baked still happy or am I lacking the will u people have.